MY TESTIMONY (Overcoming through God's Word)

Some people have testimonies learning of God's love and becoming saved after years of ignorance and rejection. My life has not been that way at all. I can remember from very early years having faith in God. I was blessed by it. I recognized others around me that I associated with growing up who did not live by faith and realized what grace they disallowed themselves and others.

However, as I became older (although still young), I had problems at home and left. Actually, I was told to leave (kicked out) by my mother, who had become unfaithful and the family dysfunctional. My father was infidelic and allowed sin without reproof by not divorcing and protecting the family. (America's institutions, including clean marriage, have been perverted and the unlearned don't realize it.) He was also medically advised to use drugs and became less helpful, even encouraging me to get a prescription. Along with parental misguidance and negligence, I was misdirected by others, most older than me but not all, whom I had met and fell into various, substance abuse habits.

I became very miserable during the time I started committing sins that I never had done before. I hope those whom I offended can forgive me. I had doubts. I became more lonely than before. I lost friends. I knew that I had to get rid of the things that were not pleasing to God and destroying my integrity, but I failed to seek help and quit. It wasn't easy to look for help at churches because many of the young people didn't seem to be looking unto God. I continued in defeat and that fall destroyed much of my teen and following years. My life became hard pressed just to daily survival because of my sins it seemed, let alone being without parental support. Eventually, the deterioration, misery and torment became almost unbearable. I lost God's peace and tranquility, spiritual attractiveness, and the desire to hold a steady job.

Traveling and wandering, I began attending a community college. I met a young man who also attended the college and we shared a house together. The student was very warm and encouraged me to have hope. He invited me to a Christian meeting near Hickory, NC. I think he drove us there (it's been a long time, so I will try to recall the best I can). That's another nice thing, because students need their money and transportation expense is additional. We traveled from Hudson, NC. I can see now how God used particular people to bring me around to listening to the awesome evangelist and his wife.

We went to the meeting. I was very impressed by a great preacher (a man with his wife) who seemed to have a noticeable extent of self-denial for Christ's sake. Instead of traveling in wealth as an executive or a member of a guild and enjoying the luxuries of life, he was endangering himself and living in need of things, expecting God to provide for the opportunity to bring people to repentance and faith so they would be saved from damnation. Let's face it. Most people don't have that kind of attitude!

If I remember correctly, he and his wife had been in Guatemala. He spoke about a big snake wrapping him while he was speaking to an audience there and the people respected him because he was not harmed. He was a tall, big man and well educated with a talent for lexicography. He played an accordion and his wife sang. She was tall also.

Also, there were issues at the time about a man (or I may have thought he was a doctor or an educated person) concerned about a woman speaking in the assembly. I don't know whether he walked out of the assembly or not. Very exciting event for a person who had become almost liturgically anti-social! Although seeming discrepancies may turn people away, Christians do not have to be absolutely on-target with God to lift Jesus higher so men can come unto Him. We are all growing members of a religious organism. I think it was at that meeting (possibly at another time) but my mind is not real clear now ... another incidence was a woman prophesied that someone there would have an influence on the world.

I think the evangelist's car previously had broken down on the way to the meeting and someone picked him and his wife up and gave them a ride. I think someone offered them a place to sleep after the meeting also. It has been a long time, but I think the evangelist mentioned and was even interested in a home to train other Christians but I don't know whether anyone offered him that ability on that particular night. When I heard him speak and saw how much he had as a man to offer, the joy and peace, and how self-denying he and his wife were and willing to endanger themselves for the benefit of others, I was amazed. Even though I was scared with the fear of God, I talked with him at the end of the service. I had felt so defeated and almost worthless for years, but he gave me further hope and recognition of God's blessing to those who live for him.

I asked God to forgive me and was further relieved by forgiving myself for what I had done. Previous, horrible paranoia left. It was like I had been afflicted without a good rest for around three years: I could sleep when I passed out. Praise God, the former peace that was so good came again that night. When I awoke I knew that I had rested and God wanted me to come to Him. I became committed and began attending church services.

Later on I was baptized. I was in my early twenties then. I understood part of this as a public confession to people and God. I acknowledged the Lord Jesus Christ. I have often thought I should have went to Christian gatherings and been persuaded to have done this in my early teens, before I fell into deterioration and previous abuse. People should keep on going forward for Jesus, never backward.

(I don't want to make excuses for my failures. I fully accept my responsibility to follow the Lord no matter what the situation. However, I realize now how important home leadership and church outreach is. I lacked church-going parents and such encouragement. Many of my other relatives were under Satan's control and very disappointing as far as example or guidance is concerned. Their ignorance and lack of judgment witnesses to their deception, a self-contained prison to be used for destruction.

The local church that I had attended summer vacation school seemed to be failing to reach out to people and disciple--train--them. What I look back at now that could have been a great success didn't mature and suffered greatly, so I try to reach out to the young whom I know have such great need.)

About a year after my baptism and recovering, I realized how terribly the churches had fallen into sexual sin condonation and apostasy. This was very discouraging, especially when I discovered that some men esteemed to be theological leaders were so degenerate, self-serving and misleading, and that their followers (including many of my friends) were deceived. I fell back into substance abuse and other sins. Negative addiction can be very subtle! I became almost as helpless as I had been before, although I still had hope of recovering and was not as emotionally destitute as I had been obtaining recovery the first time. I suffered many more years of self-affliction, even after additionally speaking in tongues in my later twenties due to encouragement in a particular community where I stayed and left. When I became 30, I finally overcame substance abuse as such and restored my life again from deterioration and disobedience.

So, at age 30 (bear with me!) about half of my life had been spent in needless error and negative addiction in a world that was generally in religious deception and ignorance. Since that time of repentance and restoration, I've studied the Bible in more depth and ancient languages. I taught myself with grammars and bible texts because I could not afford the cost of a school or seminary, and I didn't want to go into debt. It has been enlightening. (Many of the jobs I had were low-paying and I could hardly afford even to buy a new book at times.)

I believe that God does not allow his elect to get too far out of hand even though continuous sin of negative addiction may cause a person to seem disgustingly rebellious to others at times. The works of the believer will be made known that they are from God. God will prove his people. If they are His, they will deny themselves, turn away from sin and obey the Lord. A Christian must seek God continually for direction, health and care. As I do this, he blesses me.

Even though friendship and group support is very effective, many times groups fall into heresy. I have learned that I cannot depend upon any person except God. People will fail and let you down, but God is perfect. His word is there for us and we should take advantage of it. His word has never let me down and never will! I am 63 now and God has continued to put daily on my heart things that are good for myself and other Christians. I try to share these things so others may benefit from it.

Parents, start a rewarding, knowledge of dowry relationship with your children. Learn the principles of pious, group religion, not denominational heresy. We are not lone sheep. Make it a plan for them. This will help them keep themselves pure and chaste, great attributes for someone likely to succeed for God.

Roman Catholicism and other heretical denominations are as underworld organizations: having some good things, they mislead in other ways, even unto defilement of our youth. Today we even have apostate churches. We must grow to the point of accepting the Scriptures as our authority, not misleading religious organizations. We are a people trying to expand as God-serving communities, not denominations.

We must strive to implement our communities racially and culturally homogeneous. We can congregate being racially mixed as long as the individuals understand not to racially intrude (inter-marry). The congregations can exist with mixed members until they have enough members of another subrace or mixture to establish a community on their own. We must not let theological inaccuracies and legalisms replace our brotherly love and spontaneous worship of the Lord. The idea is to plant (and segregate) theological and physical farms that bless our posterity.

I personally believe I've been washed, sanctified, justified in the name of Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God, and cleansed of all unrighteousness through faith, repentance and confession of sin. Nevertheless, I do expect God's vengeance upon those who do not repent from their sins. I believe that God will reward those who obey him in this life and the next world. I have forgiven all who trespassed against me.